we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
