She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
