how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
whose parrot is this?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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