Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
