hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
