The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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