so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
