the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
