she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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