2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
