Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
