sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
