I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ketchup is God's man juice
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
