She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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