I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
