the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize