When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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