two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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