When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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