omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
