I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
