I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
