Don't make out with my wife yet
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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