Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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