Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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