I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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