were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
