dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
