tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
