I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
