oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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