Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
