So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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