I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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