Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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