Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
