No subtext here. People are naked.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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