Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
