I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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