He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
