It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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