She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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