I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Small penises have feelings too.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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