boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
