i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I need moral support for this bender
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
