Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
