Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
