when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
