I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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