I'm gonna have a badass scar
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
