Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
