I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
