Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
