You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
