well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
