My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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