TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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