I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize