I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
