My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
