im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
