I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
