last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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