i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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