Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
