last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
