This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
