Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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