Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
