Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Randomize
