Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I've blown a few things in my day
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
