My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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