That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
