yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
