I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am midnight drunk by noon
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i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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