you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
